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Friday, April 06, 2007

Sadmess



I awoke crying this morning from my dream.


I dreamt that my FIL had passed away. That wasn't what made me cry in the dream.

We were at my parents old house and moving furniture out. My Mum was there. I asked my husband if he told my Mum that Grandpa had passed away and he said he did not. How could he? She was dead.

I said no she's not she's right here at which point I motioned to her and he couldn't see her. Only I could. Only I could hear her. At that point I grabbed her arm and started leading her around the neighbourhood for a walk all the time balling my eyes out about nothing was the same since she was gone and how sad I was all the time. She just nodded and agreed with me. I just cried all the more and woke up sobbing. My husband even woke up and asked what was wrong.


Why couldn't she speak to me in my dream and tell me positive things to get me out of this sadness?

What's ironic is that when I started this post I intended to title it SADNESS but I typed SADMESS by mistake. It really is a sad mess which I want no part of and want to move on. I just don't seem to know how to or am able to bring myself to. Some days are better than others. This one appears to be one of the others.

Perhaps it's because it's Good Friday or because I watched Scrubs last night that she showed up in my dream. Those that saw Scrubs will understand.

Good Friday everyone.

7 comments:

Christie said...

Oh my gosh! What a dream! Yes, I saw Scrubs last night and actually cried my eyes out, it was a weird Scrubs to see with the day I had. Your dream was probably conjured up by watching the show, but I like to think that even though she couldn't comfort you with her words, she was allowing you to vent to her. I don't know, I like to think our loved ones are still watching over us, and they show up in our dreams to comfort us.

Irish Church Lady :) said...

Christie ~ Scrubs, I cried my eyes out too when the nurse was talking to her near the end. I was watching it with my daughter and I said to her "This is supposed to be a comedy!" and she said "It's a dramedy.".

There was another show she said where one of the doctors lost his friend and she said it was so good and she cried and cried and watched it over and over again.

Thanks for your comment. I've been thinking about it and I think that it is allowing me a way to vent but I still feel like a silly a$$ suck for not being able to get over the fact that she is gone yet. It will be two years in June. Time already or not time enough?

Fleur de Lisa said...

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you are having a bad time right now.
You say you don't know how to do it, but you are doing it right now. It is just that some days are truly better than others. We're only human and what you are feeling is natural. Be patient with yourself, love yourself and the rest will come.

((((Hugs))))

Irish Church Lady :) said...

Thanks, Lisa!

Your so sweet! Thanks for the kind words. It really helps me to accept that I guess it is part of the normal grieving process.

Feeling better today, now if only this nasty head cold would vamooosh.

Shoshana said...

I am sorry the dream made you cry. I am new to this blog, so don't know the background.

It takes time to get used to someone not being around anymore.

Patricia said...

Awwww...please don't be so hard on yourself. My mother died a few days after Easter 6 years ago and there are still times that my heart aches deeply because I miss her so much. I visit a lady in a nursing home who is in her 90's and every now and then she, too, will sob because she misses her mother. How wonderful that we had mothers to miss, but what comfort it brings me to know that my mother is with the Lord today. Thank you so much, dear one, for the kind words you left on your visit to Pollywog Creek. I do hope that you will return! May you have a most blessed Easter!

Irish Church Lady :) said...

Shoshana ~ Thanks for your kind comment.

Patricia ~ Thanks also for your kind words and annecdotes. It helps hearing from others perspectives. How sweet is that elderly lady, and you to visit her?!